Moving into my forties with gusto!!!

A-camping we will go...

2008-08-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

Been a long time fo' sho'. Managed to cross off another item off my list while away though. Went camping last week with Natasha, Lisa and Dorothy. We went to Massassauga Park near Parry Sound (http://www.ontarioparks.com/english/mass.html). Absolutely beautiful. Wrote a couple of blog entries on this trip:

Monday, July 28th

Left about an hour or so later than planned, what with having to pull over to re-secure the canoe, as well as having to make a 2nd coffee stop as my travel mug was inadvertently emptied by a foot during the canoe shenanigans.
We were meant to make that second stop though. As we were all walking in, I looked over at a good-looking guy sitting in a truck with a gorgeous black Lab. It turned out to be my friend Dan who I hadn't seen for 4, 5, maybe SIX YEARS! When last I saw him, fireman Dan was heading off on an adventurous trip to Oz, where as luck would have it, he tells me he met the woman (Kate?) who's now his wife. How cool is that? The depth of my excitement at this encounter kind of sums up how much I miss my old life. There was something carefree and exciting about it. As I write this I wonder if what I am experiencing is a nostalgia for a youth essentially well spent, and while that may be it, I think it speaks more to a time when I didn't find myself feeling so lonely or lost much of the time. Since coming back to Canada I have both found and lost the feeling/idea of direction and have more affixed myself to a me who I think I should be, rather than coming to terms with who I maybe really am.

Adventures in Camping
Reading maps has never really been my forte, but getting all turned around on the canoe trip in was unexpected. We missed the portage spot on our first try, and rather uncertainly found our site after. Setting up camp once we got here and everything since has been pretty easy - salmon in butter, fresh veggies with yummy couscous and vino for dinner, followed closely with hummus and then Pringles....who could ask for more?!
Trudging through the trees to the lovely latrine, aka thunder box, is an exercise in itself, and when I woke up at 3:16 in the dark needing to pee, there was just no way! To the nearest bush I went. Of course, my flashlight would choose then to peter out...

Day 2 - Tuesday, July 29th
I think the others were up by 8, me, not so much. I slept fitfully all night, was freezing in the AM, and felt as if some part of my neck had been broken during the night. The sound of bugs in my ears is slowly driving me insane and I really know now that I'm more of a cottager. At least you can "escape" nature in the PM (oh the sacrilege!). Will have to break it to Dorothy at some point.
Lisa, aka Ms Field and Stream 2008 showing off Dorothy and my resort.

Parental discontent

2008-06-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Just had a rather disturbing argument with my mom on the phone, stemming from her assertion that I am obviously not excited by (with?) her new relationship. Now in all honesty, I'm not. I am very happy that she's happy, think it's great she's found someone and all that jazz. Does there need to be more? These days I find I don't even look forward to our nightly chats as I always have - there is a permanent undercurrent that screams discontent with me and my "attitude." Thing is, I believe I have done all I should be required to do after all of six months of this relationship. Can't say I like the man, but then it's not for me to like or not like - I think the fact that my mom 's happy is all that matters. But I really don't think I need to be his new best friend either. But somehow I get the feeling that this is one I can never "win" in. I just want to be left alone to smile politely when I need to, but otherwise have it understood that I don't need a new daddy (now a sugardaddy...that's a whole different kettle of fish!!!!!).

Summertime with the girls

2008-06-13T10:33:00.001-07:00

Adding to the list (or should that be removing?!) my first camping trip ever. Going on a canoe and camping trip with fellow doctoral students and friends Lisa, Dorothy and Natasha. Just received the following note from Dorothy who added this to my things to do list:

we are booked for campsite #7 for July 28 and 29 … the description of the site reads as follows:

++Very private in a large bay. + inviting fire pit near shore surrounded
by sloping higher rock. + deepwater swimming right off rocks.
+ protected and cozy feeling under whispering pines .

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …now we pray for great weather …

Dorothy

Sweet! I think this will be crazy fun.

Two days ago I went to see Sex and the City with Colleen, Lisa and Rachel. It was funny and sad. Some of this turning forty stuff is going to be hard. Carrie being labeled a forty year old last-ditch bride by Vogue brought me to the "I'm going to die alone" place. I know much of the rawness is more about my general mood and need to focus on the positives, but I find some of this stuff really hard. Who knew?! Some of the clothing was insane!!! Samantha's Dante...dang.

Flickr Mosaic meme

2008-06-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

1. Claudine Longet, 2. Sugar Loaf over Rio, 3. Dalswraith - Kew, 4. Aurorus Reflectus Colosseo, 5. Adrenalin junkie, 6. Jenny F. - Marble Floor, 7. Ben Kozel, Adventurer, 8. Caramel Macchiato Cheesecake, 9. Of Earth And Sea And The Oceans Free, 10. no alternative to life, 11. Cat attack(shrek puss in boot), 12. Vilafranca Del Cid

I never do memes, but I cam across this fun one at my online friends Zazazu's blog and I thought I’d play along. What a neat idea! Here's how it worked:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

The Questions:

What is your first name?
What is your favorite food?
What high school did you go to?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
Favorite drink?
Dream vacation?
Favorite dessert?
What you want to be when you grow up?
What do you love most in life?
One word to describe you.
Your Flickr name

My Answers (the words I searched in Flickr):

Claudine
Sugar
Campi on College
Purple
David Beckham
Red wine
Amazon trek
Caramel cheesecake
Loved
Acceptance
Scared

Cid - cdineb was a failed search :-(

This could turn me into a crazed mosaic maker!!!!

Raising consciousness

2008-06-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

Participated in a fund-raiser for Myanmar yesterday, organized by Farrukh Chistie, a first year doctoral student who is doing work around sustainability education. SUch an excellent event! I was glad to add my two cents to the discussion around international aid. I talked a bit about my experiences in Rwanda last year, telling the group some of the questions it raised for me around development - wondered at some of the motives of the people who went there or provided aid - was it coming from a good place, or were they there to 'save' the Africans? Were they truly providing services that could not be provided by locals? How important is it to aid agencies that their workers understand or learn what works and what doesn’t in different cultural settings? How helpful is the culture of “handouts” (aka checkbook development) that we as western nations have cultivated in far too many places?

Money to small business, or to NGOs does often help – while money to governments hurts as it often gets lost in a never-ending spiral. Too often, when one nation aids another it is based on a massive infusion of financial capital in return for the implementation of new policies. They often provide the right advice, but there is a trade-off, too. The nation with all the money often assumes the decision rights; but the responsibility for a nation’s future must always reside with the citizens of that nation, not with foreign advisors, and certainly not with its creditors and donors.

This sort of checkbook development confuses compassion and generosity with over-responsibility for fellow human beings. Explicitly or implicitly, the donor is telling them how to run their country, and in the process, without meaning to, can rob citizens of emerging nations of their most precious assets — dignity and self-reliance.

The disappointment I felt for many weeks in Rwanda was real. I was disappointed in CIDA for not ensuring that our skills would be taken advantage of, I was disappointed that the host institution didn’t recognize their opportunity to take that advantage, but moreso, I was disappointed by the lack of belief in the ability of the Rwandese…maybe instead of providing travel opportunities of a life time for us lucky grad students, CIDA could have activated the brains of a couple of young Rwandese and planted seeds for their future. Missing from the project and true of so many aid projects was any notion of sustainability. And so we keep having to provide the aid, provide the workers.

We often fail to acknowledge the value of those among us for whom we need to provide aid. We do not see in them their infinite possibilities. Instead we set them up for failure, we tell them until they believe us that they are not good enough and only we can provide what they need. I came back to Canada with a better understanding that homegrown economic and political freedoms are needed to allow Africans themselves to solve their own problems, and get them to a place where they don’t have to wait for us to figure out which western bandaid to apply to a very non-western context.

Other speakers addressed their own experiences - Nazia talked about working for 10 years in development in Pakistan, Luke Brown talked about his experiences in Malawi, Farrukh talked about the role of colonization and the west in deforestation among other things which are now leading to "natural" disasters, Alfred expanded on the notion of the unnaturalness of some aspects of natural disasters, and Dorothy talked about our guilt and complicity in making these things unfold, the importance of recognition and acceptance, but most importantly, healing. The talks were followed up b y some local poets doing their work, and the evening was wrapped up by the wonderful folk group Isabelle Gunn. I think we raised some decent coin, and the event was well attended and I think people had a good time and learned a great deal. Photos to follow.

Viva Las Vegas

2008-05-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

As usual, been far too long between posts. Have managed to make it successfully to the end of the academic year (not that it makes a difference in my world really, just means I'm finally not teaching). Finally starting to have really nice weather - went today to Port Stanley with Craig, my first time out at the infamous beach. So much for getting work done today!
Last week was the May two-four weekend (i.e. Victoria Day) and I headed to Vegas with Colleen and Leanne, met up with Lisa there. A good, albeit tame time was had by all. Our first night, we arrived there sometime around 10 their time, and headed out to the club LAX at the Luxor. That was ok, just not as spectacular as I had expected Vegas club to be. We were there until 7 in the morning, and then up early to wander the strip. I think we walked a good 8 hours - checking out all the hotels etc.
That night we saw Le Reve - the most amazing show I can say I have ever seen! They make Cirque look like entertainment light. I spent most of the performance either gasping in awe or sitting there with my jaw dragging. Now I must be fair and point out that part of it was the sheer sexiness of the performers, but whatever it was, I was awed by the whole thing.

Didn't go out that night b/c everyone was so lame. The original plan was to go back to the hotel, grab dinner then head out (we were on the guest list for 4 clubs) , but first Colleen, then Leanne, then Lisa bailed. We had room service and crashed. For the next morning (at 7) Lisa and I booked a helicopter tour into the desert, flew over Lake Meade, the Hoover Dam and landed in the Grand Canyon, where we had mimosas and a picnic lunch. Definitely one of my life-highlights. Ended the weekend marathon walking again, although Lisa and I did gamble for a bit in the casino at Caesar's Palace, where I won at blackjack and sucked at roulette, coming away having found $20, parlayed it to $100 and promptly losing it all. So ya, had a good time - have seen the desert, have been to Vegas with Colleen...two more down.

Updating and revising list

2008-04-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

· Driver’s license – how sad is that?! Cam's addition? Practice with Cam's car...lol

· Complete dissertation – especially since it will mean I won't owe Sean a bottle of champagne…sometime in my 40^th year.

· Take a canoe trip with Dorothy. Went camping (with canoing and portage included! - see post on August 5th) with Dorothy, Natasha and Lisa.

· Complete at least one marathon – since I have boinked on training for two so far. Will do Disney 2009 with Hanna since she'll be turning 30, and aiming for the rest of the TSs to join! - HANNA CRIS HEDS CAM AND I HAVE REGISTERED!!!! JULES IS COMING FOR SUPPORT.

· Do the midsummer night's run with Cam in practice for the marathon

· Overcome my swimming issues – this actually concerns me, I keep taking lessons, but it seems the second I find myself in water where I can’t see the bottom, I panic - TOOK LESSONS MAY-JUNE, WILL HAVE TO KEEP GOING SINCE IT STILL ISN'T "STICKING."

· Get back to training 4-5 times a week – it seems without a training partner to keep me accountable, I’m not doing this one well. Done.

· Get at least one article published – will be necessary if I want to get a good job in a year or so - Submitted an article on Mae Alexander's diary.

· Create a list of 100 things that make me happy ("stolen" from Zazazu's list)

· Fine art nudes – only if getting back to training works out!!

· At least one more tat

· Go snowboarding – been wanting to do this for 4 or 5 years, just haven’t had an opportunity

· Sponsor a child in the developing world

· Get on the job market – this includes looking at post-docs

· Maintain eye-contact and actually listen – weird how you can go through life not noticing how little you pay attention to the person directly in front of you! REALLY HAVE BEEN CONSCIOUS AND WORKING ON THIS ONE

· Develop a better relationship with Justis and his mom

· Visit Marrakesh Not going to be able to do this one - maybe in the 40th year?

· Visit the desert Done

Go horseback riding

· Make better use of my time i.e. actually do more than a couple things in a day – set daily schedules and stick to them

· Pay off LOC

· Pay off credit cards – BMO Mastercard paid off December 20, 2007

· Write and mail at least one 'thinking of you' card each month

· Explore London this summer and quit being cranky about it.

· Stop taking cabs everywhere . FAILING MISERABLY!!!

· Call my Gran once a week and write down the things she tells me – too late, she died December 16^th.

· Learn more about wine - take a course in the fall

· Get back on a bicycle (Karen)

· Polar bear swim (Craig)

· Sky dive (Kelly)

· Flying trapeze (crazy Hanna!!)

· Visit Vegas (Colleen) Done

· Re-discover my creative voice...start writing again

· Do something about my slovenliness

· Spend quality time with Nathan and Jillian

· Spend some time with Sasha, Natasha and Joel

· Visit Kelly and John down East

· Quebec City (Cath)

· Have lots of sex (Sean)

· Bob (boB) - who am I to argue?!

Recapping the last while

2008-04-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have managed to post diddly and squat in two whole months! What up with that! Let me try to sum up what's been going on since I posted to say life was too crazy to have time to post here as well as on my Precision Nutrition log. At that time I was prepping for my conference in Nassau, and playing Valentine's Scrooge.

Nassau was fun, my paper was well-received, I should have been working on said paper since then since it is to be published in the conference proceedings. My favourite thing about Nassau? The daiquiri shack across the street from our hotel...
This place rocked.
Fresh fruit in whatever combination you wanted, with copious amounts of rum - who could ask for more?.

The island people were the most hospitable I have ever encountered. We rode the city bus where everyone was so polite - they tell everyone "good morning" etc. when they get on and off!!!

I have to admit to having been quite a bit disappointed with the food though. Conch cooked in every possible way (it still tasted like rubber snail) and "Bahamian" fare like macaroni and cheese and cold slaw with everything. How is it possible to have boring island food? For shame Bahamas!! But all in all, a very nice trip, I would go back.

Presented a paper at a conference celebrating International Women's Day and did my first radio show to promote it - fun stuff. Both the paper and interview addressed the work Carissa and I did in Rwanda and the response since we've been back. On that front, so much has been happening - UWO is now totally onside with the planning around a collaborative project on gender at the National University. We have had a number of meetings around that - VP Research (Ted Hewitt), Associate Dean of Social Science (Julie McMullin), Associate Dean of Women's Studies (Tracy Isaacs), RC, myself and others, and now the plan is to hold a summer institute there at the end of August. How cool would it be if I would be able to go back there?! Yet, if I am honest, I am ambivalent about that. I think part of that is the fact that I have not kept in touch with people in the way I thought I would, but then, that is just me isn't it?!!

Did Boobalicious again this year. For those of you who have never been, it's a fun private party that's held annually to raise funds for the weekend to support breast cancer. It's fab. We all wear pink, the event is more of a fair/festival than a party. They have performing acts, vendors, massage therapists, psychics, you name it. Check out the website for this year's party: http://www.boobalicious.ca/. Here's much of the group of us that was out that night:

That was last weekend, and I have to admit that weekend in Toronto was most excellent. These days I find myself less inclined to go visit - it's the way things work, I've been away 3 years and life goes on, so now I don't always get the jokes or the story references, and at first that was hard, especially since I haven't developed that kind of network here. Feeling that homelessness again, but it seems to be endemic to this life phase since my other single friends in doctoral programs are finding themselves adrift as well. Of course, if I do follow the path I have in my head - the development work and research, I may be living out of a suitcase or at least not having a true home base for a while. That was something I grappled with while I was away last year, and I worried/wondered if I was cut out for that life, yet I still seem to be headed in that direction! There you go.

So those are the highlights of the past couple months (as I recall them). Been making relatively regular trips to Buxton collecting data, starting to get an image in my mind of what the finished product should include. That should be a good thing right?

Take a hike winter

2008-02-18T13:09:00.000-08:00

I am very cognizant of the fact that although I started this blog with the best of intentions, I am spread too thin these days to post as often as I would like. I am keeping a log of my training and nutrition on precisionnutrition.com and with daily posting there, training 4 days a week (yay, that's a check mark for the entry "Get back to training 4-5 times a week " on my list of 40). Got myself a trainer - interesting relationship really, we've never met face-to-face, it's a distance program where he keeps track of my training and diet based on the updates (including girth and weight PLUS photos), and he writes my training plan. He's been keeping tabs on my nutrition too, the bit I'm having SERIOUS trouble with. Sigh, why must everything that makes me happy (in the way of food and alcohol) be bad for me? I continue the battle, knowing that this for me is the greatest struggle, but keeping at it because I wanna turn 40 looking fan-freakin-tastic.

Right now I should be working on my presentation paper for this week's conference in Nassau, but so don't feel like it. This is taking procrastination to higher heights. Just got back from seeing "Rambo" with my partner in procrastination, Craig. Good procrastination flick - he goes to Burma, blows shit up, the end. Good old John Rambo. Kinda sorta looks the same as he did THIRTY YEARS AGO...yay for growth hormones (eeeeeewwwww).

Fell into this weekend in a bit of a funk - think I have had enough of winter, but also think I have become a Valentine scrooge...sad isn't it? I didn't feel any kind of distress or whatever about the whole Valentine thing coming and going, but the fact that I was in a funk immediately after, suggests that...yuck, I don't wanna be a bitter, grouchy spinster, gotta fix that, but I think I really want to end this period of singledom.

Celebrating my grandmother

2008-02-03T21:39:00.000-08:00

Just got back to Orlando after a tiring day of travelling - coming back from Jamaica after my gran's memorial service. Here's a version of the eulogy I gave there:

Today we are here to celebrate the life of Albertine Hamilton Steele, Miss Bert, Mrs. Steele, wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, great-grandmother and Christian - my grandmother. For those of us here, she was all these things and more.

She was a proud, but simple woman. She never wore make-up that I can recall, but loved getting her hair styled nicely and putting on a nice dress. I remember one weekend when Grandma showed up at our house in Kingston wearing a pink pantsuit - she looked good, and she knew she did. This is the person I like to think about, the person who makes me smile - a very sombre, serious lady most of the time, but she loved a good joke, even if the joke was at her expense. She loved surprising us, catching us off-guard, like showing up in Kingston in a stylish pantsuit when we would have sworn she would never be seen wearing pants.

Today it amazes me to contemplate the fact that Grandma was born before there was such a thing as indoor plumming, television, or microwaves. She never worked at a paying job, yet she was one of the hardest-working women I have known. Her husband Ashton, my grandfather, died leaving his 7 children from his first wife, and the 4 children they had together, my mother, Hilma, My Uncle Dorrie, my Uncle Lin and my Uncle Nal. Grandma devoted the rest of her life to this family and to dozens of other people she mothereed along the way. She never tired of giving. Over the years I have heard so many stories of her kindness to others. And although she was always busy, she would take the time to o see how you were, and be genuinely interested in your life. Heaven knows how many people have stayed at that tiny house at 13 Boundbrook Road. The children, grandchildren, cousins, neighbours, friends down on their luck. We each stayed there and learned from her example, to treat others with respect, to be kind to our neighbours, to never forget our humble beginnings, and to always strive for more.

In the last few years (I did not get to see my grandmother very much in the last 10 years) it was always such a pleasure to call her - hi Grandma/who this, Vettie?/of course grandma, what, do you have any other granddaughter calling you? - and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh and say, "my King, this is better than gold." What a way to make someone feel special - my call had a value greater than gold.

In these talks I was always amazed at her memory. Grandma was one week away from her 99th birthday when she died, yet she never seemed to forget a single detail. At school I study history, stories about peopl's lives in the past. I do this because of the years and years of me always asking "Grandma, tell me about the time when _______," and her always having those storiuees ready for me. Stories about her parents, about her brothers and sisters, especiually Lill and Jen, who she talked about all the time. Through these stories she taught me about family, about what is important, about keeping alive the memories of your loved ones. For that, and for everything else she brought to my life, I am eternally grateful. She was a remarkable woman who influenced the lives of many people over the years. It is our jobs now to live up to her standards - take in the odd stray cat or dog, the child, and be loving and supportive of each other.

Enjoy a well-deserved rest Albertine, yours was a life well lived.

Unveiling the list

2008-01-25T21:34:00.000-08:00

Almost a whole twenty days late in posting this - should have done it on my birthday on the 7th, but meh, small detail. I am just over 11 months away from turning forty, and I want to chronicle those months, spend them living the way I want to live the rest of my life, one moment at a time, smelling the roses, not sweating the small stuff, loving the wonderful people in my life, living in the now. I gave my friends the option of adding items to a list of 40 things to do by 40, and some of them are NUTZ, but I will incorporate them and see how they pan out. So, for post one, here's the list (in no particular order)...

Driver’s license – how sad is that?! Practice with Cam's car...lol
Complete dissertation – especially since it will mean I won't owe Sean a bottle of champagne…sometime in my 40^th year.
Take a canoe trip with Dorothy
Complete at least one marathon – since I have boinked on training for two so far. Will do Disney 2009 with Hanna since she'll be turning 30, and aiming for the rest of the TSs to join!
Do the midsummer night's run with Cam in practice for the marathon
Overcome my swimming issues – this actually concerns me, I keep taking lessons, but it seems the second I find myself in water where I can’t see the bottom, I panic
Get back to training 4-5 times a week – it seems without a training partner to keep me accountable, I’m not doing this one well (more like AT ALL)
Get at least one article published – will be necessary if I want to get a good job in a year or so
Learn scrapbooking – figured I’d have at least one “artsy” thing on this list although I’m anything but! (TL)
Fine art nudes – only if getting back to training works out!!
At least one more tat
Go snowboarding – been wanting to do this for 4 or 5 years, just haven’t had an opportunity
Sponsor a child in the developing world
Get on the job market – this includes looking at post-docs
Maintain eye-contact and actually listen – weird how you can go through life not noticing how little you pay attention to the person directly in front of you!
Develop a better relationship with Justis and his mom
Visit Marrakesh
Visit the desert – plan right now is Vegas, May 2-4 weekend.
Go horseback riding
Make better use of my time i.e. actually do more than a couple things in a day – set daily schedules and stick to them
Pay off LOC
Pay off credit cards – BMO Mastercard paid off December 20, 2007
Make a real effort to keep in touch with the people who matter
Be thankful
Stop taking cabs everywhere
Call my Gran once a week and write down the things she tells me – too late, she died December 16^th.
Go through my dad’s papers the next time I visit my mom’s place – the tales of the RAF enlisted who were in London before the Windrush are important.
Get back on a bicycle (Karen)
Polar bear swim (Craig)
Sky dive (Kelly)
Flying trapeze (crazy Hanna!!)
TS trip to San Fran to visit Hanna where we'll all learn something we've never done, like surfing (per Cris)
Re-discover my creative voice...start writing again
Do something about my slovenliness
Spend quality time with Nathan and Jillian
Spend some time with Sasha, Natasha and Joel
Visit Kelly and John down East
Quebec City (Cath)
Have sex (Sean)
Bob (boB) - who am I to argue?!